38 yer olds are good kisserssss
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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