My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
