I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
