Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
