New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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