Nicole vs. Life
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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