You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
