you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
