Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
