I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
