a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
