he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
