that's an acceptable place to lick
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she peed on how many people?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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