How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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