Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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