All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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