Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
