Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
