Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
