i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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