I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
