i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
