Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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