Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
