You can't motorboat a personality
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
