Need sex. Gaining weight.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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