Already got asked if we're dating
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
