you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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