from now on my penis is your penis
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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