i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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