i barfeds in our rink
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
