Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
