i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
