Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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