I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
