rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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