drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
