Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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