So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
