Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
