And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
