I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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