I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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