I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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