its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
