Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
there is glitter all over my balls
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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