after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
