I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
