you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
