i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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