don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
