went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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